Every now and then I like to do a little summary blog on the realities of parenting so after a quiet couple of weeks this felt like a good time, so here goes, a random selection of points about parenting.

It will turn you into a blubbering emotional mess and you’ll cry at all sorts of random shit- like when your eldest makes her own storybook or the little one tells you “I lub you” or you run out of chocolate. Or things like TV programmes, I challenge anyone to watch the Bluey episode with the baby race and not turn into an absolute crying wreck, it gets me every time. A few years back it would have been something like Titanic that would set me off but now I realise Rose was a selfish cow as there was blatantly room for them both on that bit of wood and that kind of ruined the tragedy of the story so now it just takes a learning-to-walk cartoon puppy to tug at my heart strings instead.

Talking about programmes, it changes how you watch reality shows too- any contestant who has a family they want to support and that’s it I’m rooting for them. We were watching Next Level Chef the other day and I couldn’t give a monkeys what the others were cooking but the parents on there could have served up scrambled egg and they’d have my vote. Now I’m hooked as I need to know how well they do- I mean I’m also watching it for that angry chef who likes to cuss, as his angry chef cussing does something to me.

And binge watching takes a whole different turn, a few weeks back I was binge watching Bluey with the kids during the day and the Handmaids Tale by night. Quite a contrast and definitely two programmes you don’t want to mix up.

I was asked today whether I had baby brain and had to confess I still do, I honestly think it’s now a permanent feature. I can’t remember what I had for lunch but I’m pretty sure I can recount the whole of Encanto, dance moves included.

At some point in the parenting experience you realise that you are actually the adult and so therefore the rules come from you (sometimes this is not the case, like if Clara raids the snack drawer for the fifth time with puppy dog eyes and I can’t be bothered to deal with the fallout of saying no). This means that you sometimes start questioning why are you saying no to some things too- why can’t we watch a film at 8AM or eat ice cream at 3PM? The kids might come up with some crazy suggestions but honestly sometimes I have to concede that actually ‘why the hell not?!’

You will get attached to all sorts of things. I’ve just had quite the purge in the house and we decided to get rid of the older pushchair, the Winnie the Pooh one we got before Polly was born. It’s falling apart but this was still a hard moment and I couldn’t bring myself to hurl it in the skip and left Henry to do the honours at the dump whilst I shed a little tear.

The kids will also get attached to all sorts of stuff- rocks, a sweet wrapper, a dog they walked past along the sea front. Sometimes they get attached to toys you’ve already purged to the charity shop- I may have spent two days last week assuring Polly I was searching for a certain teddy that she hadn’t looked at in over a year as suddenly she was desperate to play with it, this also meant doing a quick walk past the shop where the teddy is now sat in a box by the window.

Your sense of humour may also become even more ridiculous. The other night the kids and I were hurling a toy ghost at each other all screaming with delight and we then decided to prank Daddy by hiding it under his side of the duvet, the kids thought it was hilarious, I did too to be honest.

You also get some solid gold moments courtesy of the kids. Question highlight of the week came from Polly- “Mummy what happens if we were to eat the sun?”

Seb came out with some gold on Thursday when the air ambulance landed near the school whilst they were on lunch break. I asked him if he saw the helicopter land and he excitedly declared that yes that had seen Postman Pat’s special delivery helicopter land nearby.

And finally the big two were playing a typical game of making dens the other day, they made houses living next to each other and Polly declared they were husband and wife, they didn’t have any children as that was a lot of effort, instead they had a cat called Rosie. She then started calling him ‘huz’ and I nearly wet myself laughing. Might starting calling Henry this instead of dickhead.

So basically it’s quite a mixed bag still, I think it probably always will be, but that’s what makes it what it is. One minute you’re catching vomit in a hat on a bus and the next minute a child has climbed into your lap, strokes your face and tells you that you are their favourite person in the world. You have to take all that comes out the bag and just remember we’re all strapped in on this crazy parenting ride together so buckle up, sing some Encanto songs, eat the ice cream and always keep a spare hat in the bag.

Well, Christmas feels like a million years ago already, the kids have been back at school five minutes and bought home the most horrendous sickness bug known to mankind. People often ask what’s it like to have three kids and I usually joke that three is a lot- there are just so many of them running around. But let me tell you three kids vomiting at the same time when you’re on nights is absolute fricking carnage. One highlight was literally passing the sick bowl between the girls as they did some tandem spewing, or maybe it was when I was cooking tea last night and Clara just waltzed into the kitchen and chundered at my feet with no warning what so ever. Anyway, it’s been a challenging weekend and my poor washing machine has been going round the clock and Henry and I are literally praying we escape this one.

Sitting here this evening listening to the tenth load of washing spinning around, with one eye on the baby monitor hoping that there won’t be an eleventh load and it got me thinking though about this time last year. This time last year I was pretty close to hurling myself as it was the night before I started the training session for a new job and like most people in that situation I was feeling pretty nervous and had no idea what to expect. Then, thinking about my drive home this morning with Heart blasting out in the car with a smile on my face and I realised I needn’t have been too worried as although it was a big change, it was one of the best changes I could have made. It was scary making such a change but joining the Green family on the phones has been amazing. Yes I’ve been shouted at and called all the names under the sun but it’s also been the most eye opening experience of my life and oh boy does it make you appreciate the little things in life like being healthy for a start. Plus I get to work with the most amazing team who get you through even the toughest calls.

Obviously at the beginning of a new year we all like to look forward to any plans we have on the horizon and may start making some more. We’ve got a few exciting things lined up over the next twelve months and are doing that thing where you realise that they are actually not too far away now that we’ve moved past that strike of midnight that everyone gets a bit excited about, and starting to realise we need to get more organised with said plans. The first plan is a walking challenge my brother and I are hoping to complete in April, hence me going on a few more walks than normal over the last few weeks as I really need to build up my stamina. It’s also been a good excuse to get back out into the countryside which is always a good thing, mind you the steps up the hill on my last walk almost killed me and anyone walking in the woods that morning may have thought an asthmatic pirate was stumbling around near them but six miles later and I felt much better and now have another route to add to my collection and hopefully in another couple of weeks there’ll be less breathless cursing when I attempt it again.

To be honest I’ve not got much more to add tonight, I’m slightly frazzled after the last couple of days and have an alarm set bright and early for another shift, plus I’m thinking the kids may be lulling us into a false sense of security right now as the monitor has remained quiet for too long, so I may actually be able to watch Silent Witness, although I’m not holding out much hope. So I’ll sign off tonight and try and not let big gaps between posts appear again like they did last year!