It’s that time of year where I keep my notes page at hand and record a 24 hour period in my life to add to the crazy collection. This is what kept me busy on Thursday 16the June 2022-

5:30AM- Henry’s alarm goes off and I pop for a quick wee before creeping back into bed.

6:25AM- Bed invader number 2 arrives. Polly arrived at some point before this but I’m not sure when that actually was, anyway I’m not vibing with the 6:25 part of this wake up so I put the lullaby machine on and cross my fingers. She senses my desperation for more sleep and chooses to chat away to herself and put her bed socks on her teddies.

7:06AM- Bed invader number 3 arrives.

7:18AM- Daddy pops in in to say bye before heading to work.

7:25AM- Out of the bed. I make all the beds and join the queue for the bathroom. I leave the big 2 chatting about Seb’s penis and head downstairs.

7:30AM- The good egg I married has made me a cup of tea before he left. I then crack on with making breakfast with my little helper.

7:35AM- Run upstairs to the shouting and break off the fight between the big 2 in the bathroom. It turns out Seb is having a strop as he wants to wear a different pair of pants.

7:40AM- Seb brings his strop downstairs and tells me he’s too tired to eat. Polly shouts her breakfast orders down from the toilet where she is still sitting!

7:45AM- Polly finally appears downstairs. Seb decides he will join Clara at the table for breakfast.

7:47AM- 3 children at the table.

7:49AM- I join them with some toast.

7:55AM- I throw some lunches together for the big 2. Break up another fight- the little 2 this time. Clara steals a sausage roll from the lunches.

8:03AM- I discover that the cat has left us a present outside the conservatory door. The kids ask too many questions- ‘can we pet it?’ ‘why not?’

8:05AM- I get summoned upstairs to wipe a child’s bum.

8:08AM- I get myself dresssed.

8:10AM- I head back downstairs and everyone else gets dressed. At one point I find Clara under the table pulling apart thank you cards waiting to be filled in from the girl’s birthdays but at least she’s trying to put her socks on at the same time.

8:15AM- I put some new contact lenses in- I wear 2 weekly ones and these are a new prescription so the new vision blows my brain a bit. Everyone is finally dressed.

8:21AM- Hair salon time. Mine is a rat nest today as I went to bed with wet hair last night- mum bun it is for me then.

8:26AM- All clean teeth.

8:31AM- We all head back downstairs. Clara has recently been taught the bum shuffle technique down the stairs and the other 2 find this hilarious so copy her- they then continue the crazy shuffling into and around the living room. Sun tan lotion all around and shoes on.

8:44AM- Time to load everyone and everything up on and around the pushchair.

8:47AM- School and nursery run. Snake has snuck his way into school on Polly’s shoulders.

8:51AM- Now there’s just 1!

8:55AM- We pop back home to pick up the water bottle I’ve forgotten. Straight back out again. We head into town and go via Blackmore gardens to say hi to the squirrels.

9:13AM- We have a little sit on the beach before it gets too hot. We play with the rocks, Clara can’t say ‘ready’ yet so keeps shouting ‘ebby go’ every time one of us throws a rock at the sea.

9:26AM- Leave the beach to head for singing group.

9:34AM- Arrive at group. We have fun singing together then enjoy a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit. The chat topics include- travel, the kids, Bluey and ghosts.

10:50AM- Group finishes. We pop to the shop to pick up milk, bananas and a birthday card.

11:03AM- We head home via the Byes river walk as requested by a small person- she comes out in the byes to walk.

11:16AM- Home with 28 sticks and a leaf. I deal with the mouse gift in the garden and Clara has a banana.

11:23AM- Time to watch some Bluey- there is dancing involved. Also time to sort some washing- fold some, iron some, put some away and get some ready for bedtime and morning.

11:53AM- In the kitchen to make some lunch.

12:08PM- Settle down together for some scrambled egg on toast.

12:24PM- Do some washing up and clean the kitchen. Shadow follows me. Shadow does a poo after trying to put soil in the washing machine.

12:45PM- Nap time for us both.

13:30PM- Clara wakes up, I put the lullaby machine back on but she’s having none of it- this is not ideal. Sadly say goodbye to the bed and head downstairs. I stick Bluey back on, get under a blanket and cross my fingers that she’ll settle down.

14:36PM- She did settle and had a cuddle and I must have dozed off again as I wake up to her stroking my face. We stay on the sofa for a bit though for cuddles and giggles.

14:57PM- Contact lenses back in and shoes on. Time to go and get the boy.

15:13PM- We head to the orchard in the Byes for a little play. Seb has bought snacks- he decorated biscuits at nursery. They collect sticks, chase butterflies and have a good run around.

15:54PM- We leave the orchard and head back to school to pick up Polly.

16:12PM- Home.

16:20PM- Snacks and strawberry milkshake is demanded by the small people.

16:25PM- I hoover downstairs.

16:35PM- I stick on Encanto (fondly known as ‘magic house’ in this house). Polly sets up an animal rescue shelter and more snacks are requested.

16:58PM- Time to do the Rainbows run.

17:07PM- Home again. Clara needs a new outfit as I realise she has covered herself in milk. I go on a mission to find the 3 missing pen lids after an unknown child has had a colouring in session on the big table.

17:18PM- Start tea. I get summoned to dance numerous times.

17:54PM- We head back out the door to collect Polly.

18:06PM- Home.

18:15PM- Taco time (or boats as the kids call them).

18:23PM- Daddy home- we have a quick catch up.

18:43PM- I do the washing up.

18:57PM- Time to get ready for work.

19:07PM- Hugs all round then I leave the house.

19:35PM- I arrive slightly early so enjoy a few minutes extra of quiet to myself in the car.

19:43PM- I head in to work for 10 hours on the phones.

23:02PM- I have a screen break and have another cup of tea.

1:48AM- Break time- or middle of the night lunchtime as I call it.

3:37AM- I start fading a bit so I have another screen break where I head outside to do a lap of the building in the cool air, also time for another cup of tea.

4:00AM- I break open the chocolate- it’s a milkyway this morning.

6:04AM- Out the door and head home.

6:34AM- Back home. I feed the cat and make some packed lunches for the big 2.

6:48AM- Creep round a bed invader and crawl under the duvet for some sleep.

I don’t really know where May went to be honest and I’m definitely not ready to say I have a six year old in the morning! The last few weeks have been such a blur and the girls’ birthdays have crept up on us this year. We realised at the last minute that the only real time to do a family day out was last Friday- luckily we figured this out Thursday evening! So we headed somewhere new for a fun day out in the sun. The big two each had a pony ride and they all got to cuddle ponies, pigs and have a good run around. Clara got a bit of a fright when an escaped sheep headed straight for her and made her jump with a very loud ‘baa’, Mummy nearly got stuck in the soft play area and Clara spent most of the time on the slide going down sideways. Throw that all together with a go on a tractor and some ice cream and we all had a pretty good day out.

But I still can’t believe the big one turns six tomorrow.

I had a nice parenting moment last week too when I got to head along to watch sport’s day, the first time we’ve been aloud to watch since COVID. Clara spent the whole time eating chocolate which slightly put her big sister off, but it was a really nice afternoon and the kids all got an ice lolly at the end which was a relief as the little one didn’t keep her promise and save at least one Wispa piece for her sister!

I also can’t believe the little one turns two next week- I mean where has that gone?! She’s an absolute rascal and definitely keeps us all on our toes all of the time. She’s picking up so much around her all the time and is getting more confident outside the house all the time. Her latest thing is copying Simon Cowell when we watch Britain’s Got Talent together- she gets very into all the acts, clapping and cheering and loves to copy the thumbs up from her new idol!

Seb, who bless him still hasn’t mastered the thumbs up (he puts his index finger up and thinks he’s copying you!), has taken to singing nursery rhymes all the time which is very cute. He bought home a seed the other week from nursery, wrapped in a paper towel, a little bemused I popped it in a pot with some soil and we were all fairly amazed to watch a literal giant beanstalk appear within a couple of days- he’s loving watching it grow now.

The big event this month was our trip up to Suffolk for a family wedding. We had an absolute blast and it was really nice to spend some quality time together. The wedding itself was beautiful and the kids loved their first wedding experience. They ate lots of food, got dressed up in props and literally had to be dragged off the dance floor at 10:30PM. It was also just nice to all get dressed up fancy.

We stayed in the premier inn as usual- or ‘the Quiet’s’ as the kids affectionately call them. We also caught up with some friends and had a soft play date one day and a park and ice cream trip the next. We also went bowling with family where we split ourselves across two lanes and Auntie Faye and I resigned ourselves quite quickly to the fact that the girls were going to beat us. It was their first time bowling so I’m guessing they’ve just got some inner secret talent or they picked up tips from the Gavin and Stacey episode we watched just before we travelled where Nessa annihilates them all.

Well, Clara has just woken up from her nap, and all the kids have just dissolved into the classic ‘I need a snack meltdown’ typically found every half an hour during any school holiday so I’ll be quick with my last anecdote. This week I also got to experience the worst (and I mean the worst) poo moment in six years of parenting courtesy of my youngest child who really is taking the ‘hold my beer’ meme as a personal quest in outdoing her older siblings at every opportunity. I was upstairs cleaning the bathroom when I heard those horror words “Mummy, she’s got poo on her!” This is one of those child declarations that you go running to the source of and there I found Clara indeed covered in poo. She was wearing a jumpsuit and socks which were now the wrong colour. As I ventured further into the conservatory the horror got worse. It seems that after doing a poo of such a quantity I still don’t understand how it was fitting inside her body beforehand, she had sat herself down on the ledge of the backdoor- the sliding glass backdoor and the ridged ledge. The poo itself was the consistency of mashed potato and it quite literally looked like someone had thrown a pan full of this at the door and this area in general. We also have some soft play mats in this area and my flip flops which I’m thinking she may have used to mush the poo into the mats. It was absolute carnage. I would have taken a photo just to capture the full horror but I had to act very quickly to stop the spread as the toddler was still loose and still covered. Let’s just say she got to come and watch me finish cleaning the bathroom splashing away in the freshly cleaned bath with me still reeling from the horror and the washing machine saving my arse once again! When I say the youngest one is feral this will be the new story I tell and if they still think she’s cute then I’ll go back to the last story with this honour (when she bought me a lump of cat shit she’d found)- kids are just great.