So I’ve really debated with myself about posting this one as it’s quite personal to our little family but at the same time it consumed most of last week so it was a big thing that the blog was designed to document so here goes.

At the end of the week before last I was giving the children a bath when I looked at Polly splashing about with boats and bubbles. They were there again. Bruises on her back. I’d noticed them before but brushed them off as toddler bruising but for some reason that night they bothered me. I vowed to make a doctors appointment. Then my brother came down and he too noticed the little bruises running up her spine, he agreed- they needed to be checked out.

Of course it was bank holiday weekend so I had 3 whole days to do the natural thing of torture myself on google. This did prompt me to check the places that could be responsible- her car seat and booster seat. She’s a belly sleeper so not much point in checking the cot- of course I still did as when the others threw up blanks I was still desperately trying to find a reason for them.

Tuesday finally rolled around and we were at the doctors first thing. Of course by that point the bruising had all but disappeared. The doctor asked to see them as soon as they were back and asked for a urine test while we waited for that to happen.

That afternoon we had it confirmed that she really 100% definitely isn’t ready for potty training and laughed at the doctors belief that getting a sample from a 2 year old would be easy. It was not. Come the morning and the little sample pot was still empty.

By Wednesday afternoon though the bruises were back. I called the doctor and Henry was asked to bring her straight in. He came home with that worried look on his face that he tries to hide sometimes but can’t. Blood tests. This different doctor had gone very quiet and ordered blood tests the following morning. The only consolation was that we didn’t have to worry about the urine test.

Now my minds doing crazy things. I, of course, jumped 6 stages ahead, down the bad route and started imaging all the horrors that might soon be our new future. I wrote a blog post last week that wasn’t very good as I couldn’t concentrate but I needed to think of other things even if I couldn’t type it normally.

Thursday morning we decided we’d all go as I wanted to be there too. The nurse couldn’t get the sample as she wasn’t used to such little arms so they sent us to Exeter. To the hospital. Henry was meant to work at 12 but after a complete meltdown by me he realised that wouldn’t be happening. As I say I’d already jumped 6 stages ahead and told him straight up that if they called me into a room to tell me that Polly was really sick then I couldn’t do that alone, especially with 2 children to look after too.

So we all ventured over to the big hospital for the first time since Seb was born. We were booked in and settled ourselves into the paediatric assessment unit. Flashbacks of Polly’s meningitis scare haunting us as we looked on the same walls again, luckily this time Polly wasn’t actually poorly so she was playing, reading, chatting and generally being her usual cheeky self which helped.

They successfully took blood samples. They checked every inch of her. They asked a thousand questions. They bought us a cup of tea. They told me not to feel guilty at not bringing her in a few weeks ago. They gave Polly 6 stickers for being brave and cheeky. They were brilliant.

Finally after hours of waiting, 2 runs of Thomas the Tank on the little tv, a little lunch in the restaurant, many plays with all the cars on the ward, 2 naps for Seb in the carrier, we finally got that reassuring smile from the doctor. The bloods were fine. The bruises didn’t look suspicious in any way and are just toddler bruising. They aren’t sure why they keep appearing in the same place but I guess that’s up to us to watch her closely for a few weeks and see if we can solve that mystery.

All in all it was not a week that I want to repeat. It was terrifying- that feeling of ‘what if it is…’. Oh and I shouldn’t have to state it but I’m going to- no, not at any point do either of us or any of the 5 different doctors or 5 different nurses think that somebody was responsible for them.

So I shared, even though I didn’t think I would. It’s definitely made us think. It’s the reason why I didn’t completely loose my shit at Polly tonight when she tested my last nerve. Instead I just hugged her a little tighter when I said goodnight. And my thoughts now just go to anyone who is in the situation we thought we were finding ourselves in. Sorry to get all mushy, but these little people carry our hearts round with them. That is the hardest thing about parenting without a shadow of doubt.