This is actually the third blog post I’ve written in as many days but the other 2 aren’t ready for publishing yet and then I realised I actually needed to write one to publish now- oops. At least there’s the answer on how sleep deprivation can mess you up a little bit! That and just having the occasional, long and stressful day- today being one of them. It started off great, by 9AM we were all dressed and fed and ready for the day plus I’d sorted out a load of washing which actually made it straight from the airer to the drawers (shock horror!) plus I’d tidied the kitchen and sorted out the recycling. It was obviously too good to last. By 1PM I was ready for the whole day to just fuck off- yup that bad. Henry normally has Tuesday off. Today he didn’t. The Tuesday toddler group is a busy one, it’s a great one but it’s also one that Polly needs one of us with her as she’s prone to getting over excited and being a rascal. Today she decided to be a class A demon. As I was chatting away I caught the tail end of her and a bigger kid having a disagreement which Polly settled by facepalming the other girl. Most of the parents at the town groups are supportive of each other and try and reassure you that she will grow out of this bloody infuriating stage, unfortunately this girls mother wasn’t one I knew and instead responded to my apology with that look. That judging look that made me feel like a complete failure. I was all ready to leave then and there as I’m really starting to struggle with being the parent of a hitter as I know that reputation is starting to settle on her and it really does make me feel like I’ve failed her. Luckily at that moment one of Polly’s little friends came and sat next to us at the play doh table and her mum (who is quite possibly one of the nicest human beings I’ve ever encountered) came over and took a seat next to me. She gave me a hug (actually 2 hugs) when I got upset sat on the floor of that church hall with Seb strapped to my chest and our little girls making play doh butterflies and chatted to me about how hard this parenting thing is and that this phase really will pass. I needed her kind words so much right at that point and just want to thank her for that. Sadly the day still had some shit to throw my way after lunch when Polly refused a nap and screamed at me for 10 minutes while Seb also cried because she was crying and he wanted to nap. After I made it clear that she really was going to have a nap she did then lie down and go to sleep.

Thankfully this is when the day took a turn. Seb and I headed downstairs and ignored the hoovering choosing instead to sit on the sofa for a cuddle. I then watched my guilty pleasure (the latest version of 16 and pregnant to hit mtv) and Seb gave me some of his biggest smiles. Two hours after she argued about going for a bloody nap I actually ended up waking her up to find she’d had a personality transplant and was in a delightful mood wanting to play trains.

She’s grown up so much over the 8 weeks that she’s been a big sister and has become if possible even more adventurous, I just wish she’d stop smacking then I feel like I could enjoy it all a lot more and I’d be able to relax more and give her the extra freedom I think she’s craving. I can see how much she’s changing and I don’t want this to overshadow it as she has had some amazing moments that make me so proud of her, like earlier this evening when she pointed at a patch of sunlight and told me the sun was in the sky. Or an hour before that when my for the last 3 month fussy eater ate strawberries, orange, carrot and a pea after refusing all fruit and veg except banana for whats felt like an eternity. Or yesterday morning when she shushed the cat who was miowing too loudly next to an upset Sebastian who I was trying to comfort. Or yesterday afternoon when she leant out of her pushchair to try and put a paper cup in a bin. I could go on but I’m getting emotional again. So what’s the point of this post? I guess it’s mainly me trying to get across the other side of my beautiful girl to those who maybe aren’t seeing it right now and an apology really to those who have been on the receiving end of her smack. She’s honestly so full of love it breaks my heart to see her lashing out when she’s trying to learn the words to explain what’s made her angry. I just hope she gets through it before it causes any serious damage as right now this is killing me as a parent.