There are a few things I’ve noticed are different when you decide to bring a sibling into the world of your first child. The more physical things like a massive bump way earlier on are one thing and then the fresh comments from strangers are another, so I thought after a fairly quiet week I’d share some thoughts I’ve had over the last few months of growing another baby.
Time. With the Polly pregnancy I don’t think it really dragged but it didn’t go particularly fast. This time I’m fairly adamant that someone is playing tricks on me marking days off calendars as we can’t possibly be at the end of January already with only 13 and a bit weeks till due date? Really?! The time this pregnancy has honestly melted away. It’s not surprising when you juggle raising a toddler, work and keeping a house running on top of attempting to still see people (I can’t really go as far as to call it a social life) while still having time to catch up on Silent Witness, but I didn’t think it would go this quick.
Time. (No baby brain is not making my repeat myself this time) I mean time to yourself or the lack of. The fact that whilst catching up on our days yesterday with a work friend I actually made the point I’d had time to do a spot of reading while Polly napped, and I ignored the washing up made me realise that the concept of me-time really has vanished for the time being. I mean I do get some time maybe at the end of the day where I throw a coin and decide on sleep or watching something on catch up (this option usually wins) but the fact that the last time I sat and watched a film I had to do it in 3 sittings really proves that you just have to take that time whenever it gets handed to you. Basically, you aren’t the priority any more, so the first time when you spent any spare moment making 6 different lists of what to pack in your hospital bag or watching re runs of One born every minute or just watching your wriggly bump whereas this time those things get either forgotten completely or squeezed into a 10 minute window while the toddler is occupied with Bing. For a visual example while pregnant 2 years ago I remember going on a couple of evenings out where I could spend time putting on make up and getting my hair right before going through several outfits, now this is me getting ready for our work Christmas do earlier this month and yes that is Polly ‘helping’ by wearing my bra round her neck.
You think differently. Last time I was so careful about a lot, I wasn’t one to read every parenting book from the library and set Henry with similar projects but I did have a page torn out from the bounty magazine on my fridge listing the food yes’s and no’s, I googled a couple of times while out in restaurants before ordering and I made sure to not lift anything too heavy, all the usual stuff really. This time as long as it’s not raw meat or soft cheese I’m not too fussed if it’s going in my mouth as I’m starving hungry 85% of the time, I’m more likely to be googling things like ‘is walking on tip toes normal for a toddler?’ and the lifting thing is kind of difficult to stick to when you’re trying to keep that tip toeing toddler alive- I mean she’s not really capable of getting herself into the bath just yet. I think it’s more that common sense kicks in a bit more instead of just saying no because some Daily Mail article that Hilda quoted you in the canteen says you should only eat spinach and roasted peppers while growing little people.
You view it different. Last time I could tell you straight up how many weeks and days I was gone, what size fruit the baby resembled and what new thing they could do that week. This time I have to really think about it and have been known to be wrong by a whole 2 weeks, I have no idea what fruit Bear-bear currently resembles (maybe a wriggly octopus is a better description) and I think he/she might have opened their eyes this week but that might have been last week- you get the idea. This does have perks though- you are more prepared so maybe don’t hit google quite so often. It means when Braxton Hicks showed themselves for the first time on Wednesday night I knew it wasn’t time to be googling ‘am I in labour?’ it was time to drink a glass of water and lay on my left side to ease them off.
Guilt. You knew this one would find it’s way into the list somewhere. I also don’t think I need to cover it too much, I just need to write ‘see above’ if you’re wondering what I’m feeling guilty about this time. I just want to make it clear I’m not ungrateful about being pregnant again and I am excited and happy to be welcoming another baby into our family it’s just that there is no escaping it- it’s different when you do it again. So yup, I feel guilty sometimes that I’m not checking every meal I eat is safe and that I don’t know what fruit my baby currently resembles and the big one that I’m going to have shorter time maternity and that I still haven’t bought a cute going home outfit but I also realise that all that stuff doesn’t mean Bear-bear won’t be as loved as Polly, it just means that this time I’ve realised that that’s all a baby does need- love (sorry to go all ‘Love Actually’ on you!) but it’s true. They don’t need the most expensive Moses basket and personalised nappies they just need you to be a parent and love them and as I know I can already do this as I’m doing it with Polly I am definitely starting to push the guilt feelings back as I know they’ll be back again in another capacity at some point!
Comments and opinions from others. “You’re brave.” “You’re in for a crazy time.” “So, you’ll be hoping for a girl this time.” “Pregnant again.” These are all comments I’ve had in the last month or so now that the bump cannot be hidden anymore, people like to ask questions, and these are the set answers apparently when you say ‘no it’s number 2.’ I just want to state- I knew this was coming. You get it first time and I’m guessing people’s comments will follow any woman no matter if she’s pregnant with her 10th child, it just seems to be something you come to expect when your body lets everyone know it’s growing a person. I’ve ranted before though about annoying comments so I’m not going to be an old record, but I do still find them annoying a lot of the time. Practical advice, that’s different and also very welcome, the comments telling me how much I’m going to struggle are not. Yes, they might be true, but I really don’t understand the human concept of scaring each other with these sorts of comments. I mean I know we all do it and for every sort of life event from getting married to when your first born leaves home, we as humans try and make out we’re the only person to ever go through that event by starting the conversation with ‘just you wait…’ but seriously why can’t we just make positive comments and give encouragement and practical advice instead of making everything a competition. I’m ranting now- sorry. But maybe next time you chat to a stranger just think before you speak, the young woman in front of you at Tesco whose pregnant with her first doesn’t really need to hear “you’ll never sleep again” instead something like “these are the nappies we swore by” would be a bit more helpful and even if you can’t offer any practical tips it’s always much better to just smile and say “good luck, it’ll be amazing.”
Well I’m sure I could carry on all day but if you’ll check the above list you’ll notice the point that ‘you aren’t the priority anymore’ and Polly is apparently fed up of Mr Tumble and wants me to play toot toot cars so it’s time to sign off.