Polly is just eating her tea so this could be a big mistake where I’m left wiping sweet potato mash off the laptop or it could just give me long enough to write a little update on what we’ve been up to. I’ve given her a knife tonight for the first time so that might keep her occupied. Not a big sharp knife before anyone just paused reading to call Childline, the little shovel like tool that came in the fairy set she was given when she was born. She’s been using a spoon and fork quite happily for a while and yesterday used a fork to push scrambled egg onto her spoon so I thought I’d see what she actually does with a tool more designed to do that. She’s sort of doing it but at the same time she is pouring her milk into a little pool on the highchair to dunk her food in. Not sure where she gets these funny ideas from?!

Yesterday we travelled up to Somerset to visit Nanny and Pops who are renting out an old castle for the week- yes an actual castle with a moat and everything! Nanny’s sister and her husband arrived not long after as they are staying with them too. It was a really nice day where Polly enjoyed playing in the ford and also tried to bust open the money compartment on a fruit machine in the local pub. Thankfully the landlord was very accommodating and friendly and even rustled us all up some lunch even though they don’t normally serve during the day.

Henry took Polly to one of the church toddler groups today as I had an eye test, his first time to that particular group and they came back with a cute little craft that Polly had tried to dismantle on the journey home. They had fun which is really nice to hear as I didn’t know how he would be about going to the various groups we’ve been frequenting over the last year. Turns out he loves them and is keen for us both to go along to them when Bear-bear enters the world so we can both get in on the tea drinking and chit chatting that happens in these amazing places where your sanity is restored.

I’ve had a couple of people ask how he’s getting on with his course and the good news is it seems to be going well. There’s a lot of reading involved so he spends any evenings off sat with the laptop ploughing through and takes advantage of quiet mornings where I’ve taken Polly for some tea drinking and chit chatting. It does seem to have caught up with him this week a bit though as 2 mornings in a row the 5AM gym alarm has been ignored in favour of a lie in until the toddler deems it breakfast time.

I’ve also noticed the tiredness starting to creep back in after a fairly energetic second trimester that looks like it’s drawing to a very sudden end into an achy, Braxton Hicks filled third trimester that I’m not sure whether starts this week or next week- different sources say different things. All I know is that my toes are rapidly disappearing and taking my bra off as soon as I walk in the door is my new favourite time of day. I also thought about my hospital bag for the first time today and used my toddler free time in town to use all my Boots points buying travel sized toiletries and giant pads for the war zone that a baby will create in my nether regions in a couple of months time. I mean this carrier bag of bits will likely sit in a corner of the bedroom till at least March but I feel slightly accomplished that I’ve made a start on something else baby related as those weeks really are ticking by fairly quickly.

Time to go as the now fed toddler is definitely pulling poo face while frowning at me from her toy kitchen, think I might take advantage of the trip upstairs to live out my favourite time of day as the end of the day aches are setting in. Oh and the knife didn’t really get used appropriately as she just used it to spread the mash to every corner of the highchair tray instead, oh well, we’ll try that one again another day.

There are a few things I’ve noticed are different when you decide to bring a sibling into the world of your first child. The more physical things like a massive bump way earlier on are one thing and then the fresh comments from strangers are another, so I thought after a fairly quiet week I’d share some thoughts I’ve had over the last few months of growing another baby.
Time. With the Polly pregnancy I don’t think it really dragged but it didn’t go particularly fast. This time I’m fairly adamant that someone is playing tricks on me marking days off calendars as we can’t possibly be at the end of January already with only 13 and a bit weeks till due date? Really?! The time this pregnancy has honestly melted away. It’s not surprising when you juggle raising a toddler, work and keeping a house running on top of attempting to still see people (I can’t really go as far as to call it a social life) while still having time to catch up on Silent Witness, but I didn’t think it would go this quick.
Time. (No baby brain is not making my repeat myself this time) I mean time to yourself or the lack of. The fact that whilst catching up on our days yesterday with a work friend I actually made the point I’d had time to do a spot of reading while Polly napped, and I ignored the washing up made me realise that the concept of me-time really has vanished for the time being. I mean I do get some time maybe at the end of the day where I throw a coin and decide on sleep or watching something on catch up (this option usually wins) but the fact that the last time I sat and watched a film I had to do it in 3 sittings really proves that you just have to take that time whenever it gets handed to you. Basically, you aren’t the priority any more, so the first time when you spent any spare moment making 6 different lists of what to pack in your hospital bag or watching re runs of One born every minute or just watching your wriggly bump whereas this time those things get either forgotten completely or squeezed into a 10 minute window while the toddler is occupied with Bing. For a visual example while pregnant 2 years ago I remember going on a couple of evenings out where I could spend time putting on make up and getting my hair right before going through several outfits, now this is me getting ready for our work Christmas do earlier this month and yes that is Polly ‘helping’ by wearing my bra round her neck.
You think differently. Last time I was so careful about a lot, I wasn’t one to read every parenting book from the library and set Henry with similar projects but I did have a page torn out from the bounty magazine on my fridge listing the food yes’s and no’s, I googled a couple of times while out in restaurants before ordering and I made sure to not lift anything too heavy, all the usual stuff really. This time as long as it’s not raw meat or soft cheese I’m not too fussed if it’s going in my mouth as I’m starving hungry 85% of the time, I’m more likely to be googling things like ‘is walking on tip toes normal for a toddler?’ and the lifting thing is kind of difficult to stick to when you’re trying to keep that tip toeing toddler alive- I mean she’s not really capable of getting herself into the bath just yet. I think it’s more that common sense kicks in a bit more instead of just saying no because some Daily Mail article that Hilda quoted you in the canteen says you should only eat spinach and roasted peppers while growing little people.
You view it different. Last time I could tell you straight up how many weeks and days I was gone, what size fruit the baby resembled and what new thing they could do that week. This time I have to really think about it and have been known to be wrong by a whole 2 weeks, I have no idea what fruit Bear-bear currently resembles (maybe a wriggly octopus is a better description) and I think he/she might have opened their eyes this week but that might have been last week- you get the idea. This does have perks though- you are more prepared so maybe don’t hit google quite so often. It means when Braxton Hicks showed themselves for the first time on Wednesday night I knew it wasn’t time to be googling ‘am I in labour?’ it was time to drink a glass of water and lay on my left side to ease them off.
Guilt. You knew this one would find it’s way into the list somewhere. I also don’t think I need to cover it too much, I just need to write ‘see above’ if you’re wondering what I’m feeling guilty about this time. I just want to make it clear I’m not ungrateful about being pregnant again and I am excited and happy to be welcoming another baby into our family it’s just that there is no escaping it- it’s different when you do it again. So yup, I feel guilty sometimes that I’m not checking every meal I eat is safe and that I don’t know what fruit my baby currently resembles and the big one that I’m going to have shorter time maternity and that I still haven’t bought a cute going home outfit but I also realise that all that stuff doesn’t mean Bear-bear won’t be as loved as Polly, it just means that this time I’ve realised that that’s all a baby does need- love (sorry to go all ‘Love Actually’ on you!) but it’s true. They don’t need the most expensive Moses basket and personalised nappies they just need you to be a parent and love them and as I know I can already do this as I’m doing it with Polly I am definitely starting to push the guilt feelings back as I know they’ll be back again in another capacity at some point!
Comments and opinions from others. “You’re brave.” “You’re in for a crazy time.” “So, you’ll be hoping for a girl this time.” “Pregnant again.” These are all comments I’ve had in the last month or so now that the bump cannot be hidden anymore, people like to ask questions, and these are the set answers apparently when you say ‘no it’s number 2.’ I just want to state- I knew this was coming. You get it first time and I’m guessing people’s comments will follow any woman no matter if she’s pregnant with her 10th child, it just seems to be something you come to expect when your body lets everyone know it’s growing a person. I’ve ranted before though about annoying comments so I’m not going to be an old record, but I do still find them annoying a lot of the time. Practical advice, that’s different and also very welcome, the comments telling me how much I’m going to struggle are not. Yes, they might be true, but I really don’t understand the human concept of scaring each other with these sorts of comments. I mean I know we all do it and for every sort of life event from getting married to when your first born leaves home, we as humans try and make out we’re the only person to ever go through that event by starting the conversation with ‘just you wait…’ but seriously why can’t we just make positive comments and give encouragement and practical advice instead of making everything a competition. I’m ranting now- sorry. But maybe next time you chat to a stranger just think before you speak, the young woman in front of you at Tesco whose pregnant with her first doesn’t really need to hear “you’ll never sleep again” instead something like “these are the nappies we swore by” would be a bit more helpful and even if you can’t offer any practical tips it’s always much better to just smile and say “good luck, it’ll be amazing.”
Well I’m sure I could carry on all day but if you’ll check the above list you’ll notice the point that ‘you aren’t the priority anymore’ and Polly is apparently fed up of Mr Tumble and wants me to play toot toot cars so it’s time to sign off.

So, apparently time has sped up since my last post, there’s no other explanation as I have no idea where almost 2 weeks has melted away to. That’s my feeble excuse for no posts in a while as each day just vanished and before I knew it I hadn’t written anything! Oops! The next thing is trying to work out what we’ve done in this new melting time zone. Well, truth be told we’ve not done too much. The baby/toddler groups are back in full swing so we’ve been at them, we popped to visit the soft play, have spent time with family and of course we’ve both worked.

Polly however seems to be changing by the hour. We’ve noticed over the last couple of weeks that she seems to be understanding so much more and some really cute little behaviours have emerged as a result. For example, getting different teddy bears to re-enact the ‘hop little bunnies’ nursery rhyme, having what can only be described as full on conversations with her toddler friends or with whatever she is pretending is a phone at the time and then there’s the fact that if you ask her a question now she mostly understands and will answer, for example, the other evening when she sat down quietly before bedtime- me: “Are you tired?” Polly: “Yeah.” me: “You wanna go to bed?” Polly: “Yeah” whilst nodding her head! It’s amazing to watch this gradual transition as she turns into a real little person, it obviously means we also have to watch what we’re saying even more as I really don’t want her to think the acceptable response for dropping something on the ground is ‘for fuck’s sake’- I mean when you’re pregnant it is but when you still can’t say ‘please’ it most certainly is not!

We’ve enjoyed some family time this week starting with our normal weekly trip to Henry’s grandparents on Tuesday. They are much more like an extra set of parents and we love spending time with them, Polly especially as she gets excited the moment we turn down their road. This week’s visit included a roast, some Postman Pat and Polly enjoying lots of  Nanny cuddles. Then on Thursday we spent the afternoon with Henry’s auntie and cousins. Polly and her cousin Harley did lots of playing and laughing and we all ate lots of food while chatting- mainly about baby stuff as Henry’s cousin and I are both expecting our seconds. It’s strange to think that the family will have grown by an extra whole 2 people by the summer. Good strange obviously!

Henry is now working away on his course which is great to see and is back in the routine of going to the gym so he’s a happy boy. I mean squeezing everything in and still being able to spend time with his 2 favourites does mean his alarm goes off at some funny times, this morning he was off to the gym at 5 so he can fit in a decent session before work later this morning. I don’t think he realises how much I appreciate these sacrifices so we can make this whole big transition into a better life as family friendly as possible.

And finally, I’m saying it out loud which means I think it’s ok to type it, but I am touching wood a lot as I do this (I mean in my head I’m running naked through a whole bloody forest- only in my head though as right now that ain’t a pretty thought). I think, think, hope, think, hope we are through that bloody sleep regression! Yipee! It’s been a painful 6 weeks or so but she seems to be back to being able to put herself to sleep which is such a great feeling and it means there’s a lot less tears in the house from everyone! Well, time to sign off now as my little monkey is currently trying to bust open a pot of sudocrem which is every parents nightmare!

Today we’ve hit week 24. This is a big step in the world of pregnancy. This means viability. Basically, it means that Bear-bear actually stands a chance if I were to go into labour today (I mean I’m literally touching wood that I don’t!), but it also means the doctors would do everything they could to help Bear-bear as that chance is there. So, naturally this means I’ve woken up thinking about birth, labour, contractions, placentas and all the other delights that come hand in hand with actually having a baby. It’s got me thinking about this time just over 19 months ago when I went through all that fun to deliver Polly. So, I thought it was time to share that whole story as it’s finally dawned on me- shit I’m going to do it all again!
Let me take you back to 2AM on the morning of Friday 3rd June 2016. I woke up to a big contraction, I mean it woke me up. I’d sort of being having them on and off for a couple of days before that but as they hadn’t been regular I’d just chalked it down to things starting to get a move on. I woke Henry and told him, he went into instant ‘about to become a Dad’ mode- “What do we do?” “Do we call the hospital?”. My response after checking the time- “It’s 2AM, I’m going back to sleep.” I’ve seen enough ‘One born every minute’ and ‘Call the midwife’ to know that first labours are usually long and if you can get sleep in those early stages then put your head back down on a pillow and get it! Just over 3 hours later Henry’s alarm went off for work, I stirred a bit and then bolted out of bed and ran to bang on the bathroom door, where he was cleaning his teeth, with my legs crossed, “I’m leaking, I’m leaking!” He opened the door to find me explaining that I’d either just wet myself or my waters were currently leaking over the landing carpet. We quickly deduced it was my waters, they would then carry on slowly trickling out over the next hour, which explained me walking around with a towel between my legs. By 5:30AM I still hadn’t had another contraction though so after having a quick chat we decided it could still be a while. So naturally Henry went to work and I made a cup of tea and called my Mum to let her know things were starting, slowly.
Then just after 6AM they started. I got the contraction timer app started on the kitchen side and wandered around the kitchen sorting out any last minute bits in the hospital bag. At some point I realised they were actually pretty close together so called the farm to get Henry back. By 8AM Henry was back on the phone to the birthing centre explaining that things seemed to be moving a lot quicker, “bring her in” was the response. So, with me sitting on a bin bag, just in case, we headed over to Honiton. As we were leaving I finally decided on a birth plan of some sorts by moaning that I wanted to be in water. We arrived at Honiton and were escorted to a birthing room. She was pretty nice about it when she explained that they should examine me but if I was less than 4cm than I would be sent home, so if I didn’t want to be examined right away that was fine. I did. And shock horror I was 4cm. Half an hour later I was in the pool. The contractions were like nothing I could have prepared for, like waves of pain, a bit like gas pains is how I’d describe them really- you know, like when you really need a poo. There were a few hours of me delirious on gas & air (bloody lovely stuff!), Henry holding a cup of water to my lips quoting the cave scene in Harry Potter and the half-blood prince where Harry forces liquid down Dumbledore’s throat and Heart radio playing in the background. I was also aware that it was hot, I mean boiling hot. It was a warm day in June, the windows don’t open fully there due to security and the heaters were stuck on the ‘on’ setting. We’d been told when we were getting settled in that as this was my first we could expect a baby at about 10PM that night. Polly had other ideas. At some point just after 1PM I declared that I needed to push. So, I started pushing. At 2:39PM, 5 days early, a baby popped out in the water and was scooped up into my arms. There was a little moment where Henry and I looked at each other over her head and both said in a whispered surprise “It’s a baby.” Not sure what else we were expecting to come out? An avocado perhaps? As we were team green at that point the midwives got Henry to declare whether our little bundle was a boy or a girl. The thing is their little areas are so swollen at that point that it took him a moment before he nervously declared that she was a she with the midwife nodding encouragingly. She was named there and then in the pool, Polly Olivia Grace.
The next fun instalment was getting out the pool. Good fun when you’re still attached to said baby. After a little waddle across the room Polly and I had a little cuddle on the bed and Henry cut the cord. Up till this point everything was fine, more than fine. After this it went a bit tits up. I’d been encouraged to let the placenta come out naturally, I won’t be trying this next time! At some point I fainted, they also realised I’d lost quite a bit of blood and I had a tear. Polly was whisked over to Henry as they realised I needed to be transferred to Exeter by ambulance. In those 2 hours or so I wasn’t really aware of much, all I can say is that I would rather of delivered another baby than that bloody placenta. I came round at the point where they told Henry he would be driving Polly and himself to the hospital and shouted across the room for him to pick Nanny up along the way as he was probably in shock, a rare time that he listened to his wife the first time. So, I was bundled into an ambulance and Henry had the joys of dressing a brand new new-born and putting her safely in the car seat for a car journey at a couple of hours old. At some point we reconvened at Exeter. I was still pretty out of it and Nanny had now joined us for the fun. Exeter was very busy, I mean really really busy.
I remember before going into labour that I only wanted Henry in the hospital till I was ready, that I didn’t want people seeing me in a state- let’s just take a moment to laugh at that, hahahaha! At that point I didn’t care if the Queen had walked in while I was half naked in stirrups. They asked if I wanted gas & air for the stiches and I asked Henry as I wasn’t sure what I was in for, he told me not to be stupid and take anything they offered, thank god I listened. It was a very peculiar sensation having stiches in my lady area as although it didn’t hurt thanks to the beautiful gas I could still feel it- weird. I could also hear bits of what was going on in the room, so I can tell you this is when Polly chose to do her first poo- that famous tar like nightmare stuff after delivery. Henry actually still points out to this day that he changed her first nappy, cheers love, I mean I was a bit preoccupied at that point so I’m sorry she pooed mid-change all over the blanket (really this was our warning that she was going to be a little monkey who I think quite enjoyed pooing mid change). After that I started to become a bit more human, but I still needed to go through the joy of a bath. Henry was busy with Polly, so Nanny drew the short straw and helped me with the bath. There was a hilarious moment once I was out where I couldn’t bend down to pull up my pants so yup you guessed it, she helped with that too. I mean it really changes when you have a baby and you learn quickly to just take help when offered and that we are all humans and a lot of us have been through childbirth so just get on with it really. After being freshened up I had some tea and toast and we finally made some phone calls. Polly and I were then transferred round to a ward and Henry and Nanny left. After missing out on those first precious hours I spent most of that night with Polly on my chest marvelling at this brand new little person who was all ours.
The whole thing was really very surreal and there are bits that I’d quite like to see repeated- like the fact that I actually coped OK with the pain and managed to deliver a baby without much intervention. Then there are bits that I hope I never experience again- like a bleed or a tear or a stubborn placenta. But then I’m OK and so is Polly, so I know that you recover from those things, but I’d still rather avoid them if I can. I will also be less anal with my ideas on who comes to the hospital as we really would have been stuck without Nanny’s intervention and just the extra reassurance she bought. But anyway, this isn’t happening again just yet, Bear-bear I’m instructing you to do plenty more cooking before we meet you and we have to go through all this fun again!

Well, I’m back! Sorry it’s been a while but I sort of took an unofficial break over Christmas and New Year, strange as that now feels about 6 months ago already. So, what have we been up to? Well, Christmas was amazing. We had my siblings down for a few days over Christmas and just spent the time together, chatting, eating, napping and watching Christmas films. It was perfect. Polly was spoilt rotten with presents and my living room resembles a toyrs r us display shop. One of her favourite presents is a mini Henry hoover, from my siblings. The idea being that it cures her fear of the bigger version that I drag out the cupboard when I can no longer hide the mess on the floor with toys. It worked and I now have a mini me following me around and the poor cat runs a mile as his nightmare has come true with there being 2 of these monsters in his house (the hoovers not the people). It was really nice to spend that time with family and we carried on this theme when we headed to Henry’s family do on Boxing day where we ate too much and chilled out all afternoon. Sorry to get all gooey but it really was a perfect couple of days and in my opinion exactly what Christmas should all be about- family, food and chilling out.

It was the festive period so one of us was bound to go down with some sort of bug, lucky me drew the short straw there! The Thursday after the big day found me literally crawling back in the door after being sent home from work with a horrendous stomach bug that I had at first thought was the return of morning sickness- it was not. Henry still had to work and also cover my shift the next day so it meant CBeebies gave me a hand with Polly as I spent Friday under a duvet or running to the loo, not ideal. He did then come home between shifts to find us both curled up napping on the sofa. Luckily by Saturday I was back to normal and touch wood the other 2 have avoided all the fun.

So, New Year, well it was fairly tame, I mean to be honest we’ve never really done anything major to celebrate so this year with a toddler, pregnancy and working we were fairly content to just be curled up together watching the fireworks on TV with a cup of tea. We headed into Exeter on Tuesday to have a wander around the sales, Henry needed new work shoes and Polly needed new PJs. We’ve also realised there are a couple of bits to buy before Bear-bear arrives so are planning on heading back in at the beginning of next week especially as I’ve hit the waterworks at least twice in the last week as I feel guilty that we haven’t picked anything up yet for the new bundle of joy. Mum guilt strikes again. This week has also seen the return of the sanity saving toddler groups. It’s nice to catch up with the other parents and get the little people back into some sort of routine. It’s amazing how much they all seem to grow when you don’t see them even for a couple of weeks!

This week we also had a big milestone. Henry and I both went out for the evening together and left Polly at home, I mean she obviously had someone with her to be clear! Henry’s Aunite Jen came round for an evening of toot toot playing and bubble blowing before tackling bedtime with a toddler still in the throes of the 18 month sleep regression. Amazingly Jen worked her Mary Poppins magic and had her asleep in 10 minutes, at which point I let her know she’d never be leaving the house! We had a great night at our work Christmas party at one of the local hotels. Henry went from “I’m not drinking much” to several Vodkas as quick as you can say “open bar” and we headed home to relieve Jen just after 1. It was a fun night even though I was on orange juice and cups of tea as it was nice for us to both be able to let our hair down together.

Well, I think I’ve rambled enough and it’s time to go and clean 2 pairs of teeth 16 times as Polly and I have the dentist later this morning. I promise I won’t leave it that long again!