It’s been another busy and important week on our road to making a better life for our little family. This week we had a joint interview at one of the restaurant/hotels in the town and have officially got ourselves jobs together. It’s quite a daunting prospect, going back to work for me and Henry having a massive change into a new industry but we are also both quite excited for a new challenge. We won’t be working together so one of us will be able to look after Polly while the other is out earning the pennies. It’ll be great for Henry to finally be able to get some one on one time with Polly after I’ve been such a greedy cow the past 15 months of barely leaving her side. Of course though ‘Mum Guilt’ is already kicking in asking if she’s ready, if I’m ready more like. The truth is, I’m pretty sure she is ready, she’s been ready for a while and it’s very different leaving her with a stranger and leaving her with her Daddy, but of course I’m still expecting to find myself bawling my eyes out at some stage over the next 2 weeks before we properly take the plunge. I need to stop being dramatic about it as many of my mummy friends had to start leaving their little ones months ago and they survived (maybe after a few tears) but still they are OK and so are their little ones. So that’s what’s keeping me focussed on realising this is the right decision and Polly will be totally fine. Henry might just be in for the shock of his life!
My brother is down visiting this week until we all trek up to the Lake District for a big family holiday at the weekend. It’s so nice for him to spend so much time with Polly as he spent most of her first year gallivanting around South America. They have such a great bond and you can guarantee when I come back downstairs from having shock horror an uninterrupted shower (or let’s be honest from being able to clean the toilet properly for the first time in a month) I will find Polly in some sort or a fort or den created by the furniture laughing her head off while they have a ball fight (not dangerous balls! the balls from her ball pit!). I love seeing the bond she has with my sister and her husband too as her face lights up when she sees anyone of them. This might also be down to the fact that Georgia usually comes in force with chocolate, whipped cream or a new toy- I’m proud of how quickly she’s learnt to get to my child’s heart!
Other than a new job and an extra person sleeping on our living room floor it’s been a fairly standard week in our mad house. We had a playdate yesterday where Polly and 2 of her little friends had a ball playing with every toy they could get their hands on while the cat looked on in horror that I had allowed more little monsters into his house. To be fair the other 2 were more intrigued by him instead of wanting to pull his ears off. I’d call it a successful playdate as we the adults all managed to have a warm cup of something and eat a few biscuits even if we did each have a couple of toddlers hanging off our arms trying to ‘share’ said biscuits.
We also had great fun last Friday when the Red Arrows came to town. Polly had a blast beforehand playing in the sea- well running at the sea pointing then running back up the beach again then turning and looking surprised at the sight of the sea so then running back at it again. We then had a fish finger picnic in Georgia and Gyan’s flat before she went back to work (yup another great mum moment there, I made my toddler a home made version of fish and chips but I substituted the chips for a banana in an attempt to make it more healthy).  We bumped into one of our lovely friends, Soph and Polly loved watching the planes, although she seemed to get separation anxiety from them and cried every time they flew out of sight to re group.​

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Well I need to get a move on now as we’ve got singing at the library to get ready for, for anyone unsure as to what that entails, it’s basically a group of adults singing nursery rhymes while the toddlers run riot pulling books off the shelves and bashing each other on the heads with tambourines. It’s actually a lot of fun, the only downside is you will have one song stuck in your head for the next 4 days and you can guarantee it’s the one you can’t remember the words to- Google to the rescue!

25th Aug 2017

I cannot believe it’s almost the end of August and with it the summer holidays. I know Polly isn’t school age but most of the toddler groups we attend aren’t on in the holidays so we’ve been totally out of sync and to be honest I think we’ve exhausted the park. So what’s new? Well Henry is still applying for more jobs. He’s now decided to do some investigating to see whether he can do his re-training while staying in his current job. This would sort of be a life-saver as it means we won’t take the wage cut that’s quite frankly putting the fear of God into us after I knocked up a list of all our outgoings. It wasn’t pretty!

After doing said list I realised I needed to be taking more action to try and help our current situation. So I’ve become one of them (Sorry Pati but this phrase just made me laugh a little), that is- an Avon girl. I think I’ve just about got my head around it and thought I might as well give it a bash. It sounds a bit dramatic but it’s put me right out of my comfort zone- not just because I’ve been off work since May last year. I don’t want to become that annoying person who posts annoying sales pitches all over Facebook and private messages all her friends making them feel super awkward. I don’t want pity sales and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable. So not sure why I’ve picked this role to be honest! But apparently it sells itself so we’ll see what happens.

In Polly news. Well, she’s developed a really annoying and frankly dangerous new habit. Her and the cat have got on really well since we threw them together 14 months ago in the matchbox house we lived in at the time. Even here, where he has more space to flee and more hiding spaces then he could ever have dreamed of in any of his 28 lives (this cat is not normal and has definitely gone past 9). Well now she thinks it’s hilarious to rugby tackle him. I’m not talking just being a little bit rough with him, I’m talking she throws herself onto him- think Will Ferrell in Elf when he brings the Christmas tree down. Actually they pretty much recreated this scene only yesterday when Pickle attempted to jump over the stair gate to the safety of the kitchen, unfortunately Polly had a hold of his tail. He pretty much fell back onto her and all she could do was laugh at him. To be honest I may have hidden round the corner in the kitchen to have a silent laugh (after making sure the cat wasn’t actually harmed of course). It was a classic ‘You’ve been framed moment’, although I wasn’t filming so I’m going to have to find another time for them to earn me £250. I just want to state that she’s not actually hurt him in any way, I have no doubt he would fight back if that were the case and he’s not stupid (well he is a bit) he will take himself away when he’s not entertaining her shit. And to all those ‘my-child-would-never-do-that perfect mummies out there, we are saying no when she does any of this stunts and then showing her how to GENTLY (honestly I’ve said the word ‘gentle’ so many times the last week or so I think the cat is starting to think we’ve changed his name) stroke him. Shockingly though she’s a toddler who’s learning so this isn’t going to happen over night. Anyway, enough of me making excuses for my child and my parenting, I don’t think I really owe anyone an explanation, except maybe the cat, but he doesn’t understand English, so Whiskers Temptations will have to do.

15th Aug 2017
It’s been a bit of a quiet and uneventful few days really. Well apart from about an hour ago on a walk back along the river from the town. I almost lost the pushchair in the river- minus Polly luckily! She was walking along holding my hand and her hat blew off. I did one of those split-second reactions without thinking and of course picked up said hat, letting go of the pushchair in the process. Letting go of the pushchair on a slope by a river. What followed was a ninja leap in Polly’s direction to scoop her up in the hat hand while I made a frantic lunge/run for the pushchair. I caught it in time which was a relief. Unfortunately, the embarrassing incident was witnessed by many! Face palm moment indeed.
So anyway, I thought I’d do a little piece on some of my general reflections of my first year and a bit of parenthood. I thought I could pick a topic whenever I have nothing really to discuss in my own wild life.
Today- parenting advice. Welcome to parenthood where as soon as you acknowledge you are in the club you also open the doors- well floodgates- to the experience of ‘parenting advice’. It’s a minefield. It really is. Everyone and I mean everyone is happy to throw the most random titbits of ‘help’, info and just general musings in your direction.
One of my favourites (I think it’s most people’s as it’s just so ridiculous) is- “just sleep when the baby sleeps”. Let’s just take a moment to analyse how stupid this comment is.
1. Does this mean that I should save the cleaning, laundry, cooking, catching up on Game of Thrones etc for when the baby does that too?
2. I’ll take a nap just after I’ve watched my sleeping beauty for just two more minutes as they look so precious I could just eat them up, oh just another minute… oh shit it’s been an hour and the little rascal will be awake any second now so there’s not much point.
3. It’s now been so long since you slept that you’ve actually forgotten how to do it.
4. I can guarantee the moment your head touches the pillow/cushion/soft area of floor you’ve collapsed in a heap on…. the baby will hear this horrendously loud noise even though they’ve just slept through the fire engine that just whirled past, the hoover that you’ve finally dragged out the cupboard and the shriek you gave while watching the ‘Red Wedding’ and they will wake up.
I could go on about all the other hilarious snippets of advice that you’ll get, chances are you’ve got a bank of them hidden away in your brain to serve as humorous anecdotes at the next BBQ you go to ( I was going to say dinner party but I think my dinner party days are somewhat suspended while I raise a tiny human). And for those about to enter the realm of parenting advice the only advice I’ll give is this- start googling your witty responses now to the 658 times you’ll be told to just let them cry/just put them down so they get used to you being away/don’t let them watch any tv/let them play with the iPad to distract them/feed them baby rice at 2 weeks old/don’t let them sleep on you and of course ‘sleep when they sleep’.
And for anyone wondering what my favourite all time ever ridiculous, well bat shit crazy, piece of advice I received was actually while I was still pregnant. I was very visibly pregnant working in the little bank in the town when a charming old lady started telling me that having children is the worst thing you can do with your life and that on reflection she wished she’d just drown hers at birth. Still leaves me slightly speechless all this time later.

11th Aug 2017
Well a few things have happened this week. Henry is officially job hunting and has started applying for new jobs. He’s very excited at the prospect of a new challenge, but more importantly he can’t wait to be able to spend more time with Polly. The last two weeks he has been off in the middle of the day between milkings (he milks cows- not sure if I’d mentioned that!) and he’s loved spending more time with her. Particularly as she’s developing an awesome personality. I know, I know, I’m going to say that as I’m the one who birthed her and is raising her. But honestly, she is hilarious to be around and is so cheeky- I know I may regret writing this in 3 years when she’s giving me sass about not being allowed a kinder egg every time we go shopping.
This week she also discovered the magic of puddles! 
Sadly, as we changed car I also had the joy of changing the details on our car insurance. Gotta say, I could think of better things to spend 2 hours of my day then being sat on the phone listening to stupid music and the stupid recorded message of “We are busy (no shit!) and are doing everything we can to answer your query.” Polly did enjoy dancing to said music and I even managed to multi task in the extreme when I put her down for a nap (story time and all!) while still on hold! So, I have to say after the 2 hour nightmare where I spoke to most people in the call centre including the cleaner, I was slightly delighted to get a feedback survey through the next morning where I could have my little rant even though I know it’ll probably find itself on the cutting room floor.
Some other writing that I hope doesn’t make it onto the cutting room floor was also written this week. Yes, I’m writing again! I hadn’t written anything for almost a month so was pleased to find myself taping away on the laptop. It’s the same novel I’ve been plodding away at for years. The rate I’m going I’ll be about 70 when it’s ready to go to a publisher! But even if I never get to that stage I love being able to just flip the laptop up and start writing. It’s my story, all mine and I love being able to write it.
The other thing that happened is quite big in my personal life. I’m not going to name the person as that’s not fair. Someone who I’ve known for as long as I can remember opened up about the difficult journey she’s been on. It’s a journey that I didn’t even realise she was going on at first. A journey I played no part in (well no positive part) when we spent a year not talking. I’m not going to make this about me as it’s not about me. It’s about her. I’m not going to list of a huge apology as that won’t help the matter. Instead I’m going to write about it. I’m going to make sure I raise my children with openness and honesty where they can come to me with anything (I hope). I’m going to do practical things to raise the issue of depression and other mental illnesses. Anything else would be an insult to her. We let her down, everyone who knew her. I don’t want to see anyone else being let down, so if anyone ever does read this blog, please, if you think someone is acting out of character, being off for a reason you can’t pinpoint… don’t make assumptions. Don’t judge them. Don’t tell them off. Most importantly, don’t make it about you. Just let that person know that you’re there, ready to listen and learn, whenever they are ready. And don’t be offended if they confide in someone else and you don’t find out for ten years. It’s not your journey, it’s theirs. Lastly to the person this is about, who knows exactly who she is and who I know will read this- I love you and I’m proud of you. And to the person who rescued her, who she could confide in- thank you for altering the course of her journey into a more positive one.

So I started writing a couple of entries before actually setting up the official blog, so they are dated a few days beforehand, here goes…

31st July 2017
The day after my 26th birthday. Seems as good as day as any to start writing this. Not that it’s a huge landmark but at least I can pinpoint exactly when in time I started actually writing our crazy life stories down, plus this also is the calm before the storm. Things haven’t been too great for a while with what life seems to have thrown our way but we are about to plunge into the abys and have Henry change jobs. Doesn’t sound like much but when you consider he’s the wage owner and I’m the home maker and with have a fair amount of money to pay back to family then it may liven the situation up a bit. Oh, and the car. The car, sorry Ruby, is a piece of shit. Of course, it chose last week, when we were away seeing family, to finally throw in the towel. So, magic beans. That’s what we need really to get us out of this predicament. We’re not really helping things either with our decision of- “oh well, might as well”- that is trying for baby number 2. Polly is 14 months old this week and we’d still like more (not been put off too much!) and we’d like to have them close in age so we thought after the not-so-smooth journey we had with Polly we may as well start trying now.
I’m not really sure why I decided to start writing my woes, I mean it does make me feel a bit better, bit like a cheap form of therapy. Maybe in years to come when we hit another rough patch I can look back and say- well it isn’t as bad as that time when. Or I’ve just totally jinxed myself and we’ll be in for a huge shitstorm just when we’ve got this whole situation worked out. Well, if it’s just me that reads this then at least I’ll only hear the words “I told you so in my head.” Instead I hope that this can document our journey out of this shitstorm and into a better life. Not that I’m not grateful. I am. I don’t need any self-righteous prick telling me I have a lot to be grateful for. I know I have. But when you’re £30 into your overdraft, the highlight of your birthday was the food shop as you can’t afford to do anything and your poor husband can’t even afford £1 on a ‘happy birthday mummy’ card from the toddler who has no idea that she’s meant to have made one herself, then I think you can maybe look at life and think- surely it can be easier than this. So here goes. Let’s see what the shitstorm brings us. I’m sure we’ve still got 50 feet of crap to go through first before we actually hit our rock bottom so this could be fun.
4th Aug 2017
Our first few days into changing our lives and things haven’t really changed as much as we’d have liked. I suppose this is the part in the movie where there’s an upbeat montage as the main character changes every aspect of their life in one day in a totally unrealistic representation of real life and its problems. Like road works. During mad dashes to the airport to declare love those bastards seem to avoid all traffic and road works, and even if they do it just miraculously vanishes at the perfect moment to make that end scene timed to perfection. During any film/tv programme involving children they will behave impeccably during this scene as the producers would have you believe that children just blend perfectly into your life and you’ll be able to carry on with all those things like normal. Like airport dashes, job interviews etc. “Oh, the baby’s napping.” “The children are staying with Grandma.” I suppose as we’ve decided we are in this as a family then I’m not expecting Polly to conform to this and I don’t then get frustrated with her if she runs up to me holding a book when I was about to sit and job search for Daddy. That’s real-life folks. It changes all the time and you just have to, sorry for the cliché, go with the flow.
So instead, what have we done? Well Henry has made a start on his CV. Punctuation is not his friend though so I may have just casually read through his first draft adding in a few commas and capital letters. We’ve chatted to a few family members about what sort of job he should consider. This in reality was a hilarious afternoon spent with Henry’s Auntie Jen and cousin Katie with Jen recounting her most horrendous stories from working in the care industry. Many involving shit. Katie’s face throughout was just a picture and I’ve decided the care industry is definitely not for me, instead I would literally take my hat off to anyone working in that industry as it was a pretty eye-opening afternoon. We also laughed so much that Henry ended up on the floor as it was hurting his bad back too much to just sit up and laugh like a normal person. Oh, and in this afternoon Polly discovered how great dog water bowls are to play with! Face palm moment. Change of clothes moment. A hilarious video and collection of photos saved for the 18th birthday moment.
So, it may not sound like much but we have also had a fun week too. We’ve laughed a lot. We also had a hilarious falling out on Thursday. When Henry and I got married we pinky promised one thing. No not your typical I promise to be faithful crap, this is marriage- I expect that without having to make it an added bonus feature. No, we promised that we had each other’s backs. If one of us got fat, the other would mention it. If one started sprouting nose hair, the other would buy tweezers. That kind of thing. If one starts going grey, the other mentions it. Well he let me down sadly, instead, I had that horror moment in the bathroom where I realised I really am going grey at 26! So, after hair dye was purchased with those blessed Boots points, the pinky promise was reinstated and I reminded him not to be a sensitive Sally, we were back on track.
Well, I would love to sit and type more but real-life just struck (oh the irony!) with an actual shit situation. It’s ok, it’s just your regular in the nappy poo, but still I need to go and do that delightful parenting duty of restrain my toddler so she doesn’t roll away, while holding her hands so she doesn’t grab the shit and clean her up all with my only two hands. Wish me luck!

5th Aug 2017
Well today we had our first proper visible sign of progress! Ruby has gone. She dragged her sorry arse to the scrap yard and we have finally ventured into the world of owning a ‘family car’. Siegfried is the latest member to join the Woodard clan. Of course, going to the big smoke to change cars with a toddler does prove an interesting event in itself. Polly truly outdid herself today. I just want to take a moment to thank the wonderful Phil. Honestly, he was an absolute star and tried to keep her entertained and didn’t roll his eyes at any point when she refused to stay in one place and instead decided she’d do laps of all the cars, wipe her biscuit covered fingers down the nice clean windows and when she put the cherry on top by losing her nappy halfway across the showroom floor. Spectacular parenting moment as I literally rugby tackled her to the floor and taped it firmly back round her naked bottom. See there is a downside of putting little girls in nice pretty dresses in the summer.
Unfortunately, our timing was also pretty screwed up as we couldn’t drive Siegfried away immediately and had to kill a few hours as we daren’t drive Rubes the death-trap back home. This meant that we had to improvise lunch and Polly wound up having her first happy meal. She was pleased with her fish fingers although I do feel a bit of mum guilt that she ended up doing this at only 14 months old, but at that point it was either a screaming hungry child or relaxing on the unrealistic parenting goals we set ourselves and just let her try a few French fries. Sadly, it also meant we travelled home at 6PM, so of course, she fell asleep. Great, just great. This meant that instead of putting Polly to bed I got the delight of trying to wrestle a demon into her cot dressed in her pj’s. An hour later I caved and ended up sitting in the chair until she fell asleep in my arms. Again, with the bad timing as the international folk festival in the town properly kicked off today so the street outside was full of more than your usual couple of loud drunken idiots and just generally rowdy individuals that a main road seems to attract after 7PM. I had to actually restrain myself from opening her bedroom window and screaming “keep it down!” at the them, then I realised I didn’t want a brick through my window at 4AM when they stumble back the other way home. So instead I resolved to just sitting in the chair imagining ways that karma can creep up on them. Not in a sinister way like being hit by a car, just that a seagull might shit on them. Anyway, I’m going a bit off topic. The important thing is one thing is ticked off our list on the way to progressing in our lives. The bad news, the drunken fools are still being rowdy as hell outside so I fully expect a wriggling, sideways sleeping toddler to wind up in our bed in the next couple of hours- I say bad news in a light way as secretly I love the extra cuddles!